Time for reflection.....

With the one-day setback to my start date due to stupidly bringing the work keys home and having to return them this morning, I've unexpectedly had a day of rest and reflection prior to setting out on the Bibbulmun Track at 5am tomorrow morning. And the chance to stretch during one last Body Balance class.

On the Cool Running forums, we were chatting about ultra marathons, why people do them, and what's afterwards? It was even suggested that men run ultra marathons due to childbirth envy. Whilst those of you who know me are aware that I would give anything to have that experience, that's not why I run.

 At the end of the day, what's an 'ultra' marathon? Any distance greater than a marathon. There's no mystique to it. It's just numbers. If you want to run far, run far. If you have to walk part of it, walk. So far, all the ultra runners I've chatted to don't do it for fame, money, or even records. They do it because they love to challenge themselves, they do it because they love life, and they do it because for some reason they've always been a bit 'different' to the general population around them, and now, in the ultra community, they fit in.

It's not crazy to try and cover 1000km in 10 days, these guys and gals say. To them, it's just cool. Now that's my kind of people!
So why do I run? I run because I enjoy it, and I like to push my body and my mind.

I don't want to get to the end of my life and look back with a swag full of regrets or what ifs. Since my cousin suddenly died in his sleep at the age of 31 from an undiagnosed heart condition, and knowing that he lived it to the fullest as he saw it, my motto has been, "Don't Die Wondering".

I'm not afraid to fail. I'm afraid of not trying. I'm afraid of living a life of mediocrity.

I run because I love it. I run because inevitably, on a long run, I even hate it. I love the fact that my mind goes through so many thoughts, my emotions go up and down and all over the place. I love when this happens; I love detaching myself from those thoughts and emotions and working out if those thoughts and emotions are connected to the state of my body.

Sometimes I have these thoughts and emotions even when my body is feeling strong. It's an interesting moment when I realise this. Makes me ask the question why.

And then, of course, there are plenty of times when it IS linked to my body. Again, I analyse it - am I sore? Am I hurt? Am I injured, or approaching injury? And then taking steps to readjust - sometimes I have to consciously check my posture, my foo-tstrike, my fluid intake, food intake, the way the weather is affecting me. A thousand things. No two runs are ever really the same.

And my favourite part - when the analysis is done, you've weighed everything up, and you just say stuff it! And keep going despite pain, fatigue, uncomfortability, the weather - whatever the circumstance. Sometimes on a run, I don't reach this point. But on a long run, it's very rare for me not too. Sometimes, it only happens once. Sometimes it happens many, many times. And it's in these moments where it's just me. No one or nothing else. Just me. Sure, the power of support and encouragement can never be underestimated. But the most basic decision we ever really have to make - to keep going, or to give up - is entirely our own.

Why do ultra runners do what they do? To test themselves. To come face to face with themselves somewhere along their journey. I believe endurance athletes intrinsically know themselves better than just about anyone. They know their bodies, their minds, their spirits intimately. They know their strengths and weaknesses well. They know what it means to put themselves to the test. They have tasted the very bitter taste of failure, and the very sweet taste of success, all mixed in with the saltiness of sweat.

As for what do they do once they have 'got there', I don't believe they ever truly do. After all - there are an infinite number of kilometres to traverse, all with a different view to gaze out at. There's no limit to the human spirit and what it can experience.

In the next 10-12 days I will face an almost-infinite number of these self-doubts, an incredible amount of fatigue and pain, and not to mention, the ever-present possibility of coming face to face with an unwelcome Joe Blake lingering in the back of my mind.....

What next after that? Maybe the Kep Track, if my body recovers in time. Maybe it'll be an adventure race later in the year. Maybe a PB attempt on my marathon time. Who knows. Endless possibilities. There's always something to keep you motivated, always another adventure to stir the spirit, to keep the soul of the wanderer at peace.

Just this morning I contacted Guinness World Records and registered my intent to attempt to break one of their records. In about 7 months' time. I was going to wait until I had finished the Bibbulmun to register, but why wait? I don't know what time I'm going be able to achieve, but unless I get injured or bitten by a snake, I KNOW I will finish it.

So yeah. Always something else. Whether your thing is to go for 'firsts', records, PBs, or to simply complete something you've never tested yourself in before, there are ALWAYS new goals to be set. There are setbacks. That's just another test - one of character. There are always new like-minded people to meet. People to inspire and be inspired by. Lives to touch. People to laugh with, grimace with, even cry with. Even a silent look of shared understanding. And they say ultra running is an individual thing. So infinitely true, yet so incredibly not.

Whether you run 100m, 10km, a marathon, 100km or some greater distance, whether you do it solo or in a group, pause for a moment and be thankful that you have the ability to run. Take stock of your surroundings, take a deep breath, and realise that you're alive.

That very moment, where I feel completely and utterly alive, is my favourite part of running. Sometimes it's in the still of the morning, when the air is crisp and clear, the sun peeking over the horizon, the birds starting their early morning chorus, the majority of the world still asleep, and it's just me and the path ahead. But sometimes it's in the searing heat, when I'm exhausted, cramping, blistered, hungry, in pain. Those moments can be of equal clarity, and even beauty. Yep. It's those moments when I truly know I'm alive that I love most about running.

Tomorrow morning, about 3am, I'll post my final post on here prior to heading off to the Track. After that, my friend Sharon will update it as I text her my whereabouts. Fortunately, I should have a day or two after I get back to just sit down and write! Currently just sitting on the lounge, watching The Guardian. Once it's finished, I'll check my pack one more time. Tonight I'll watch the Biggest Loser finale, then head straight to bed.

Bring on tomorrow. Bring on the challenge. Bring on the pain. And most of all, bring on all the moments that let me know I'm alive.